Spring!

This was my view from the bus stop this morning:

If that doesn't make your day, I don't know what will!

I'm doing and feeling much better.  I've been consistent on exercise and eating this week!  I"m down several pounds, so that makes me happy!

I also ordered some new Advocare things to try, so we'll see how that goes.  I don't swallow pills very well so it takes me forever to take them all!  Still, if they work, it will be worth it!

I'm trying not to overdo the exercise like I did last time.  I'm pacing myself - every other day.  My body is sore, so that means something is working and it's not too little.  And I'm not so sore that it's too much.

I'm tracking everything and keeping notes of what it is I'm wanting to change and what I can do instantly, short term and long term.  That works better for me than just thinking long term which is so very far away!

So, happy Spring!  I'll keep you posted!

Getting Old Sucks

I don't like getting old.  I know a bunch of my issues come from being overweight and if I can just lose some of it, I'll likely feel better ... and younger.

My back has really been killing me lately.  I know it's the extra weight that has appeared around my belly.  That's the area of my body that bothers me the most.  I always had a tiny waist.  Even when my butt and thighs were big, my waist was always small and sleek.  Even after pregnancies, it always went back to being small.  Then I had a baby at age 40 and it's never been the same.  I had actually thought maybe it was  a tumor growing or something because it was so odd.  But no ... it's just age.

Sucks.

I've lost 5 lbs this week.  Mostly water weight and just going back to a normal diet after being with my daughter in Indiana for Spring Break (lots of eating decadent food - college kids need awesome food every now and then!).  So my body has shed all the water weight I gained from salty foods, so that's good.

Still, I feel down today.  I'm just so tired.  All the time.  I know, age again.

It really is amazing how things changed drastically at 40 and again at 50.  I just turned 50 and all of a sudden I feel like all the aches and pains have just appeared out of nowhere.  I don't like it.

I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm working on it.  I think the strength training will help a lot with that and we just got our replacement bowflex parts, so I'm excited about that.

I'm just feeling old today.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Feeling Better.

So, my husband had a theory as to why I've been feeling so awful the last 2 weeks.  He thinks it's because I'm doing too much exercise and not eating enough (not just not enough protein, but not enough period).  I told him that was crazy because I'm GAINING weight so clearly I'm eating too many calories.

Still, I didn't ride the bike at all yesterday and this morning I only rode for 30 minutes.  I feel so much better today!  I think maybe he was right after all!  I did get on that bike and immediately went straight back to my 50+ minutes every day of the work week.  At the same time, I cut back on my calories and started eating healthier (but less) AND added in the bowflex.  And after just one day of not doing the bike at all and today only doing 30 minutes, plus eating a real dinner last night (I made stuffed pork chops, scalloped potatoes and green bean casserole), I actually lost 2 lbs and feel more alert and happy than I've felt in two weeks!

I think I jumped in too fast.  I tend to do that.  I also need to really be better about my salt intake.  I have a feeling a lot of the weight gain I've had has been due to the salt content in my food.

At any rate, I feel alive today.  So much better to be in the land of the living!  I'm still tired, but I don't feel as exhausted as I've felt the last few weeks.

Another problem is portion control.  I didn't need to eat that entire pork chop last night, but I did.  It was stuffed with spinach and shredded, smoked gouda cheese - delicious!  But I should have eaten about 1/2 of it (it was a very thick pork chop).  I did well with the scalloped potatoes and the green bean casserole - just a daub of each, but enough to get the rich, decadent enjoyment out of it.

I also slept an hour longer last night.  I get about 4 hours of sleep and last night I almost reached 5 hours!

I have started listening to the subliminal weight loss stuff again at night as I fall asleep.  Maybe it really does help you sleep better...I'll keep you posted on that.  I'm never really sure about that kind of thing, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

I will update soon!

Just So Tired.

The bike riding is killing me!

And my scale is going UP not down!  What's up with that!?

And I'm just sooooo tired - all the time!  From the time I wake up to the time I can finally go back to bed again.  I'm so tired.

I vaguely remember having issues before and it turned out to be an increased need for protein because of the weight lifting and bike riding, so I guess I'll try that.  I had a small steak last night (and, boy, when you eat the right portions, it just seems so SMALL!) and I actually feel worse this morning.  I ended up not riding the bike - my feet and hands felt tingly and swollen.

I think I just need to persevere.  I remember having trouble when I first began this journey and got very frustrated with all the work and pain with absolutely no gain.  Then I hit that tipping point and the weight finally just started to come off and I felt great.

So, I guess I just need to hang in there!

Other good news is that I finally got finished with a bunch of work stuff that was occupying 100% of my time (even my sleep - nightmares of trying to get it all done), so now I have a free moment to take a breath and take a look at my life.  I actually feel a bit shell shocked and have no idea where to begin, but I'll take today and get organized and do things that have needed to be done (like pay bills!) and I think come tomorrow I'll feel better.

I just hate this feeling so tired all the time.  I'll up the protein and see if it helps.

It's only been a week since I've been seriously paying attention to my food choices and exercise, so I have to just keep going.  It's got to get better.

Right?

Checking In

This week is going well so far!  Well, except that I've gained a pound ... but I feel like that happened last time I got serious about weight loss, too.  It fluctuates up a bit before starting to go down.  At least I hope that's what it's doing.  I am assuming it is water weight and given that we ate a Mardi Gras dinner last night (to celebrate since I was out of town on the actual Mardi Gras), I'm sure that had something to do with it.  Even though I was very good with portions.

At any rate, I have ridden the bike each morning this week and I can sure feel it!  I also started back on the bowflex, and I can feel that too!  I need to figure out when Hubby and I can do our yoga together - I'm very excited about that.  But today I've got to deal with court preparation, doctor appointments and school closings, so I'm trying to find some time to work it in.

It feels good to be DOING something again.  I feel so much better about myself when I'm working towards getting healthy.

Tonight I am having the Campbell's Italian Wedding soup which is very satisfying and very tasty, but low calorie.  I know it's not the greatest as far as salt content, but one thing at a time.  I'm going to try and make the meal early - that seems to be a key in losing weight.  And then somehow stop myself from snacking.  My trick for that is to doodle while watching TV.  Keeps my mind and hands busy.

I just wanted to report how good it feels to be taking affirmative action again.  One day at a time!

Timing

Finally.  I've gotten through seminars, hubby being out of town and all the celebrations.

I'm ready to start.

Got up and rode the bike for 46 minutes today.  Went for 11.4 miles and burned 247 calories.  All that before the day even started!

I want to start the bowflex today as well, but not too much since I don't want to hurt my shoulder again and I am just getting started.  I tend to be one of those "I want to do it all in one day" type people and I have to prepare myself for the slow and steady.

I've been so exhausted and I'm hoping that getting back into the exercise routine will help with that.

We aren't supposed to wait for the timing to be "right" because then we'd never get anything done, but I've had some issues, so it's good to know that my time is here now.  And I'm ready for it.  There is something to be said about having your mental state in the right place.  There can't be a right time if you can't get there mentally!

Now I have to plan the menu for the week - I know the key is eating a lighter dinner and trying not to snack after dinner.  I will try and plan accordingly.  If I make up something that is just really good, I'll pass it on here!  I'm going to have fun trying to create tasty meals that satisfy.  I'm also going to try and learn to cook less.  I've always cooked for 6, even when there's only a few of us home and no matter how much I made, we'd eat it all.  Now that it's just 4 of us here most of the time, I need to learn to cut portions accordingly.

As I need humor to get me through this, I'll leave with this for the day:

Permission

Hubby is doing great on his exercise routine!  I'm so proud of him!  He makes the time to get his work out in and is trying to eat healthy choices when his muscles demand protein from him.

Me?  I'm not doing so well.  I always seem to have an excuse.  Right now it's, "Well, I've got that seminar all next week, so I might as well not start working out until I get back."  I know.  Excuses.  Poor ones at that.

I've been thinking about how to get back to that mindset I was in back in 2012 when I started this journey.  I was all pumped up and excited and motivated.  I've come to the conclusion that it was because I gave myself "permission" to become wrapped up in myself :  my health, my time, my body.  Me.  Not something mom's do very often.  I had made 2012 the "year of me" and it worked.  I didn't feel guilty because it was my goal. I had permission to think about myself and concentrate on myself.

So since then I've moved on to other things that needed my attention:  my art, my writing, my family.  Once again, I've relegated myself to the back burner to take care of others.

How do I give myself permission to take time away from other things that are important?  My kids are important and I need to concentrate on them.  My work is important.  My husband is important.  And I have still been cooking healthier and eating better, just not with the gusto from 2012.  There I was consumed with myself and it worked - I lost 24lbs.

I need to figure out how to get back that permission when I don't feel so deserving.  Somehow I'm supposed to "just fit it in" around all the other important things.  I already cut back on sleep.  I'm not sure where else I can cut.

So I'll ponder how to grant myself permission to pursue me again.  I'm not sure how to get there with all the guilt that floats around when I do ...