I've hit a rough spot.

I don't know why I'm having so much trouble right now.  I want to eat and I want to eat a LOT.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  I want bad-for-me stuff.  Like red velvet cake.  And Long John Silver's fish and chicken.  I'm having a very hard time! 

I know that it's been bad at work for the past week or so - I've worked non-stop, so I'm sure stress is part of it.  Maybe this is a comfort thing.  I'm so stressed out and tired from work that I want food because it makes me feel good.

On the good end of things, my muscles are all achy from my workout yesterday, so I know I'm doing something on my exercise end of things.  The bike riding is pretty much second nature now, so that's also a good thing.  It's just so hard to do those things.  I just don't want to.  A few weeks ago I was all excited about the bike riding and the weight lifting, but the past few days have just been really hard.  I don't feel like working out or exercising.  I'm just so tired!

Of course, I haven't slept well, as usual.  My littlest one is sick, so that makes it hard.  The one night the dogs slept through the night, I ended up with my little on in our room at 3 a.m.  I don't think I ever did get back to sleep after that.  I was working by 7 a.m., after having worked until after 8 pm last night, I'm just so tired.

I hope this is a phase.  I hope that I work through this and go back on an upswing.  I'm thinking that maybe as the weather gets warmer, I'll get a "spring fever" type burst of energy and enthusiasm. 

Meanwhile, I'll keep trying to keep on going.  I've gained back a few pounds with the date night extravaganza and then I ate out on the following night and then ate out lunch yesterday.  It's not a big weight gain - about a pound - so I'm hoping if I can make better choices I'll start losing again.  I'm just having a heck of a time making the right choices right now.

So, I think what I'll do is refocus on what started me on this journey and see if I can re-motivate myself.  Maybe if I cut out a new batch of inspiring pictures to put up around the house that will help. 

I haven't had a chance to make the grocery list for this week yet (which leads again to bad choices) but I've been so busy I just haven't had time.  I will try and do that and maybe I can start making better choices and get myself back on track again.

I'm supposed to measure myself on the 8th and I'm a little afraid to ... I'm just not seeing big results.

As one of my kids said, "I want to lose weight a lot faster than you are."  She's put on some weight due to a knee injury and is looking forward to exercising again and losing some weight.  But apparently she doesn't want to lose it as slowly as I am.  And I have to agree with her.  This is taking forever. 

But I have to remember this is for the long haul.  I don't want to do a fad crash diet, which might work for two weeks but then end up binging on a horrible scale.  I want to do this right.  By trying to eat healthier and to exercise more.  And it's not a quick fix. 

I just have to keep on telling myself that I can do this.  I hope it gets better soon!