Id is Kicking my Butt

I'm in an internal battle between me, myself and I.  Or more specifically - id, ego and superego.

Id:  according to Freud this is the selfish inner part of us that wants what it wants and doesn't care the consequences.

Superego:  this is the part of us that is organized and realistic.

Ego:  the part of us that tries to moralize and balance between the Id and Superego.

So in terms of dieting - the Id wants the food, is willing to indulge, and doesn't care the consequences.  The Superego is that awful critical voice that tells us we look like crap and generally makes us feel horrible about ourselves.  And the Ego is the part that tries to balance the two.

Well, in my world, Id is winning.

My Superego is apparently mute at the moment and my Ego is distracted by other things so my Id is running wild.

Since I am having such trouble, I'm going to have to go drastic for a short period of time.  I'm going back on the lean cuisine plan.  I do really well during the day, so I'll keep on with that - I eat apples, and ham wrapped in lettuce and other rational, low calorie, healthy choices for the most part.  It's dinner and beyond that wreck me.

So, I'll keep doing what I do during the day and then I'll have a lean cuisine at night for dinner.  I will still allow the low sugar snacks (since the doc says I'm to go low sugar, I'm worrying less about fat and more on making sure I have low sugar snacks available).  And I'll pump up the ice water.

Now, I know Id is going to try and balk at this.  It's going to want chocolate deliciousness while watching TV at night.  I just hope that by having no wiggle room in this plan, that I'll bust through and give my Ego a chance to come around, and a small burst of Superego wouldn't hurt, either.

I know this cannot be a long term plan because deprivation leads to an explosion at some point if it is forced for too long.  But maybe I can do this for 1-2 weeks and get myself back on track.

I also added in some more morning exercises this morning - stomach crunches, leg lifts, butt crunches - about 10 minutes worth, which added on top of 60 minutes of bike riding is a good thing.  I want to get back on that bowflex and Total Gym, too, but I'm not going to force myself to do it all or I might fall apart.  Slowly.  I'll do these things gradually.

I also used to set mini goals to keep myself from getting overwhelmed, so I'm going to concentrate on my stomach area.  I want to lose some inches there, so that's my mini goal.

I just hope I can get my Superego and Ego back on track!!

TV and Wine

I have isolated my triggers.

Watching TV at night makes the munchies set in.  And if I've had a glass of wine - it's even worse!

I enjoy drinking wine while I'm cooking and then I find I eat a lot more of what I make because the wine has lowered my self control.

And, I've had the doctor tell me he wants me to cut sugar from my diet.

So all of this has actually led me to a plan.  I'm actively planning low sugar meals for all day.  I even plan in my snacks.  So I did really well yesterday.  I had my buttermilk in the morning to take all my vitamins with.  For lunch I had 6 slices of ham - each wrapped around a bundle of crunchy lettuce.  For a snack I had a hard boiled egg.  For dinner I made buffalo chicken in the crockpot - it was sandwiches for the kids and I had mine on lettuce leaves.  My side was an apple with a scoop of the whipped peanut butter (which is lower fat and lower calories than even the low fat regular peanut butter).  For my "munchies" that hit during TV time, I had some macadamia nuts!

Then this morning I got up and rode the bike for 63 minutes.

And one other change is that the doctor has given me some sleeping pills to try.  I consistently sleep about 2-3 hours per night and with the sleeping pills I have hit 5 hours in a single night.  It is a huge difference in how I feel the next day!

So, now that I know my triggers, I have things in place for when they ... well, trigger.

So far so good!!

I will keep you posted!!

Better Today

It is amazing how doing what you are supposed to do for 2 days in a row just really boosts your morale.  I've done very well for 2 days (Woohoo - 2 whole days!), and I actually feel very good about it.  I kind of feel like my schedule is sliding back over me again like it's supposed to be.

Watching sugar intake is weird.  I found calorie watching a better say since it kind of forces you to do the portion control automatically.  So adding in the sugar thing is just different.  I've never watched for it before, so it's fascinating seeing how much sugar there are in some things.  And the differences between "added" sugar and "natural" sugar.  It's not as hard as I expected since I tended not to eat candy and cookies when I was on my calorie counting thing anyway.  Although I used to allow a splurge of a 100 calorie pack of cookies now and then.

Now I also have to watch for foods with a high GI index.  Like corn.  I love corn and since it's a veggie I thought it was a decent choice, but apparently it's got a high GI index and messes with your blood sugar.

So, in some ways, this is good.  It's making me focus again on what I'm eating like I did that first year I lost the 24 lbs.

I am cautiously optimistic!

In addition to the trying to get back on routine thing, I'm redesigning my home office.  Since I work from home and spend 10-12 hours down here every single day, it has started to feel like a dungeon.  So, Hubby and I took advantage of Archiver's going out of business sale and bought a huge table to be our joint desk and about 36' of wall cabinets and counter.  So my office will match!  We bought new flooring which we will have down hopefully by the 17th.  We have bought the paint - a light gray color to go with the blonde cabinets and black counters.  I'm going to put in an electric fireplace so I feel "homey" down here instead of like I'm in a dungeon. I'm very excited.  And super busy, which keeps me from thinking about food and eating!

Maybe changing up my work place will help me feel reinvigorated and focused on "me" which will keep me on track!

Not Off to a Great Start

I've been sort of counting calories and exercising.  Certainly not with the gusto I need to be doing.  January was frightful, but again, that's just an excuse.  I've got to figure out a way to maintain my eating and exercising no matter the circumstances, because, let's face it, life is pretty much always frightful.

I am just now recovering from a nasty, nasty cold-thing.  It started last week and just hasn't stopped.  At least I can breathe today, so that's something!

I had a doctor appointment the other week.  I am doing well on my blood pressure medication, which is good and bad.  I had hoped to be able to drop down on the medications, but I'm doing well where I am.  My blood sugar was a bit high, so I'm go watch my sugars, which really, when I eat the way I want to, I don't eat added sugar much anyway.

Still, that's extra incentive to get back on track.  I also have a prescription for Ambien and we'll see if sleeping better will make a difference.  I have a feeling it will.

So, little steps are happening.  I did well yesterday with my calorie and sugar intake.  I lost 2 lbs over night so clearly, just cutting all the crap out of my diet is going to get me going again.

I need to do a full measurement thing and another picture to track from.  I found that it really does help to compare pictures so that I can see all the work I'm doing really is doing something, even when it doesn't feel like it!

And I am loving my actifry!  I did some buffalo shrimp in it the other day - just threw in raw shrimp, Texas Pete, garlic, chili powder and let it go about 10 minutes.  Pretty tasty!  I've also done "fried" rice in it and I'll be doing that again this week.  It's nice to have something I can do that's a little different for variety.

I'm still using recipes from that Taste of Home Comfort Food Diet book - truly amazing.  I think they might have another one out for 2014, so I'll have to see if I can hunt that down.

And in the interest of humor ...