Yesterday was hard for some reason. 

I guess I should expect these type of days.  I really didn't feel like riding the bike, but I did it anyway.  It didn't me feel all proud or anything that I did it, either.  I just felt kind of tired.  I felt kind of blah-y all day. 

Granted, my hubby was out of town and I had a lot of work to do for the office, but I just felt down for some reason.  Even though I've lost another pound.  I'm down almost 9 lbs since 1-2-12.  But yesterday I just didn't feel very "woohoo" about it.

In fact, the day before (Monday) I felt kind of nauseated all day.  I had done both the bike and the bowflex and I just felt kind of ill.  So yesterday I decided to really pump up my protein and I must say, my body felt better by yesterday afternoon.  It's amazing how your body really needs the protein when you start adding in exercise.

At any rate, my mentality was a bit droopy yesterday.  I think part of it was lack of sleep.  I don't sleep well when hubby is gone, and then I ended up with my little one in the bed (feet and all!) as well as the dogs, who decided they needed to go out several times to pee in the middle of the night.  So that may have been part of it.

But, I think the droopy feeling is normal.  I think I need to expect it.  We are all going to have some days that, even when we are doing all we are supposed to be doing, we just feel blah-y.  I should have been excited about the weight loss and doing my exercise even when I really, really didn't want to.  But instead, it took a lot of willpower to not just binge last night.  Not in reaction to deprivation, but just because I felt like it.  Luckily I don't have much in the house to binge on.  I ate one piece of valentines candy, and that seemed to do the trick.  I felt wicked and decadent, and that was enough.

How do you handle those blah-y days without self destructing?  I sure could use some tips!  I think if I had cookies in the house, I might have eaten all of them.  And not because I was hungry.  Just because I felt like it.  Weird.

Maybe this is emotional eating?  Maybe it was in response to not feeling great and I wanted the joy of food? 

There is apparently a Mission on emotional eating.  I guess I need to look at that and see if it has any tips.

You know I didn't blog yesterday.  Maybe there is a correlation.  Maybe the blogging really does inspire me and excite me about my weight loss mission.  Maybe I need to do it every day after all!

But, for today, I've made it another day.  I rode the bike for 62 minutes this morning.  I am going to try and do the bowflex before I have to do a work thing this afternoon.  I feel better today.  Hubby is home, and I know that has a lot to do with it.  I also slept better last night - the dogs only had to go out once.

So, it looks like I've made it through a moment that might have broken me in the past.  I will pat myself on the back, and look forward to making it through today!

Tools

Tools.

Here are the tools I am using to help me lose weight.

1.  52 Weight Loss Missions - Ipad app

     I really can't say enough about this one.  It has 52 "Missions" to follow that actually make you DO things towards your goals.  It's not just a "read-it-information" type thing.  It really gives you things that you do so that you feel like you are physcially doing something to move towards you goals.

2.  Subliminal Hypnosis cd - Power Weight Loss and Self Esteem - Appetite Supression ( I listen to this every night as I fall asleep).

     Not sure if it works, but I listen to it every night.  Doesn't seem to have any adverse affects on me so far.  If it really works, then great.  All I know is that I am riding my bike every day and doing my bowflex every other day.  And I'm making smarter choices in my food intake.  Is it because of this cd?  I have no idea, but it can't hurt and it might be helping ...

3.  Body Compare - Ipad app

     This is an app where you take a before picture and then you can take pictures as you go along to compare.  It places them side by side for you and has 4 angles for you to take (front, back, left and right sides).  It's pretty cool.  It's very easy to use.  I had my "before" pictures done on 2-8-12 and I took another set today, just to see.  I can already see a difference just 19 days later.  Pretty neat tool.  Looking forward to more pictures and comparisons later!

4.  Weight Loss Brainwave - Ipad app

     This one is music/noise that you play when you are feeling a craving coming on.  Supposedly it staves off the cravings.  You can set it for 5 minutes or 30 minutes (and in between) depending on your need.  I've used it a few times in the afternoon when I'm working.  I just play it in the background.  Don't know if it really works, but it can't hurt!

5.  WebMD - Food and Fitness Planner

     This one is fantastic.  I use it daily.  It's where I log all my food intake and my exercise.  It tells me how many more calories I can eat in a day (based on what I chose as my goal for weight loss) and it tracks it all with cool graphs and stuff.  I highly recommend this one.

6.  Slim Month - Ipad app

     This one is just a daily "tip" about weight loss.  Some are interesting and some are just common sense that we all already know.  What's helpful about it is that it's a daily reminder of my attempts.

7.  My blog

     This is also a daily reminder of what I'm trying to do.  Makes me focus on my weight loss every day.  It also helps to think that I might be inspiring someone else and that what I'm going through might help other people work towards their goals.

8.  Homemade exercise log and graphs

     I have an exercise log that I can put in the amount of time on the bike and the bowflex exercises including the weights I'm using and the reps I'm doing.  I have a spot to comment so I can remember the next time if the weight was too easy or hard or whatever.  And I've also got a graph that I have printed out for each month and I fill in my weight on the days I have a chance to weigh myself. 

9.  Inspirational Pictures

     I put inspirational pictures and comics all over the house.  The ones on or near the bike really help me.  Just this morning I was having a really hard time riding and I kept looking at the pictures thinking, "That's what I'm working for.  That's why I'm doing this.  Keep going!"  And I was able to ride for 60 minutes and 14 miles today! 

I'd love to hear what other people use for their tools.  And as I find more, I'll pass them on here.  I'm open to anything and everything!  I want to make this work this time!

  Whatever works, right? 

I read something on reddit yesterday that was kind of an "AHA!" moment for me.

"Dieting makes you look good with your clothes on.  Exercising makes you look good naked."

and another one:

"Body fat is reduced in the kitchen, but bodies are made in the gym."

Both were floating around reddit and I found those statements rather profound!  And it makes sense.  You can lose weight without exercise by modifying your diet.  But you won't get those bodies you see on TV or in magazines or even in our mind's eye without adding in the exercise.  Plus exercise makes the weight loss happen faster. 



I have lost another pound, though I'm sure I'll fluxuate up again.  Still, it's nice to see the scale going down rather than up!  When this month ends I'm going to post my graphs that I have been keeping to show my weight loss (told you I was a geek).  And around March 8th I should be doing a 1 month picture check from my "before" pictures.  If I'm brave enough, I'll post those too.

The ice water thing worked last night watching TV.  Not only did the water give me something to do, but the ice gave me something to crunch on.  Not sure it will work every time, but it's enough that it worked last night.  One day at a time!

I'm still thinking on other exercises to add in.  I guess I'll see what kind of dvd workouts I can find.  I like the idea of yoga or tai chi, and of course the belly dancing, but I've got to find something that's short enough to work in to my schedule.  I suppose I could just play wii sports for 30 minutes or something ...

Now if I could just get rid of this cold-thing!  Maybe a weekend of being able to sleep late and rest will help some.  Or maybe some sun!  It's nice and sunny outside today.  Maybe I'll try and go to the park. 



Nighttime munchies.


That’s my problem time. I say this because I’ve been documenting my food habits and what I eat so that I can pinpoint my problem areas. My problem time comes after dinner and we are watching TV at night. I feel the urge to snack.


Now, this is understandable when we watch Top Chef. All that food is bound to make you hungry. But that’s not the only time I get the munchies. It’s every night no matter what I’m watching.


So far I’ve been saved by little snacks. One night, I ate 2 bags of 100 calorie snacks - the chocolate covered pretzels (what’s not to love? Salty AND sweet!). And I’ve been nibbling on my valentine’s candy as well. But this is just not a good habit to get into. And I’m not sure what to do about it.


I think I might try having a glass of ice water to sip on during the show. Maybe that will keep me occupied and I won’t need to actually eat anything. Another thought: maybe I could concentrate on doing something during the commercials - like leg lifts or something. Then, not only would I not be eating, but I’d be adding in some small exercise while I watch TV. It’s a thought. Any ideas would be helpful. I’ll try these things and let you know. And, if I have to have a snack, I’ll try and have some tasty, nutritious ones available. Maybe more pink grapefruit! It’s becoming a favorite of mine!


At any rate, what this has taught me is that there are ways to find out what your problem areas are. By recording the data of each day and noting when I’m eating more etc, I’ve been able to find a problem that needs to be addressed. Once you find a problem, then you can start to work on solutions.


I have found a fantastic website that I’m using to record my exercise and my food intake. It’s on the WebMD site and you do have to register, but it doesn’t cost anything. It has a huge data base of foods with their nutritional values and you can log everything - and I mean EVERYTHING - you eat into it. Then add in your exercises and it will do cool charts and graphs and things for you. I’m a geek that way, so it appeals to me. I understand that Livestrong.com has one as well, though I haven’t been there.


Bottom line is, there are tools that can be used and you should use them. Finding your hidden problem areas helps clear the way to making it that much easier to get this done.

 So, start tracking yourself.  Note when you are hungriest or when your self control is at its weakest.  Don't judge yourself.  Just monitor, collect the data and then start thinking about solutions.  Once you analyze your data, you can fix it.  You can see the problem and work on it.  And not every fix you try is going to work, but at least you will have your problem identified.  That's half the battle there.

My first problem was time.  Finding when I was going to be able to start DOING something about my health and not just THINK about it.  Once I pinpointed what my first obstacle was, I was able to work on the solutions.  I took time away from sleep (both mine and my husband's) and made it work.

My youngest looked at me today and said, "Mommy!  I think you are losing weight!"  And I said, "You do?  Why's that?"  and she looked at my waist and pointed.  "It's skinnier!"  she said.

Made my day! 

Sugar substitutes.

I have never been able to drink diet drinks or use those fake sugar packets like equal or sweet and low. My parents use them, but to me the taste is just horrible.

My daughter suggested I try Truvia as her roommate uses it and swears by it.  So I got some.  I had a pink grapefruit and sprinkled some Truvia on top of it.  I must say, the grapefruit was sweet and tasty!  I can't say it tastes like sugar.  I'm not sure exactly how to describe how it tastes, other than just "sweet."  Now I'm curious to see how it will taste in things - even cooking with it, which supposedly you can do with this stuff.  I will keep you posted!  It had no nasty after taste and was just pleasantly sweet.  It didn't even take but about 1/4 of the little packet for my grapefruit.  It has 0 calories and 0 fats. 

I have also stumbled upon a magazine/cookbook that looks like it is going to be fantastic.  It is by Taste of Home and it is called "Comfort Food Cookbook - Diet."  From flipping through it, it really looks great.  In each section it splits it up by calories.  So in breakfast, you have choices from 100 calories or less, 101 - 200 calories and 201-300 calories.  Each section is split by calorie count.  It has wonderful pictures and the recipes really seem like they would be satisfying!  I'm going to plan next week's menu around these recipes and I will report back.

I found another cookbook on "skinny" crock pot recipes.  I haven't looked through it yet, but I imagine that the crock pot will be a huge tool in making recipes moist and tasty without having to add oils or fats for flavor. 

I am pleased to say that yesterday I rode my bike and did the bowflex even though I felt awful.  This cold really sucks.  I haven't gotten it as bad as my kids or hubby and I think it may be because I take vitamins and I've been exercising so consistently since January 2nd.  Maybe my immune system is somewhat boosted (though I still have this thing and I still feel like crap!).

I ate fairly well yesterday as well.  To the point that I had so many calories "left over" that I ended up eating some of that valentine's day chocolate.  And I still think I came within the calorie amounts allowed.  Amazing that a few pieces of chocolate satisfy me when I used to sit down and eat a whole box at one time.  Maybe my body is adjusting to the better food and the exercise, so it takes less to please my sweet tooth?

I ate my first Boca burger yesterday.  It wasn't bad at all, and I actually couldn't eat it all because I got full.  I had the mushroom mozzerella one on a thin whole grain bagel with fresh baby spinach and sliced tomatoes and mustard.  The total calorie count (if I had eaten the whole thing) was 230.  And I was full from lunch til dinner.  I can't say it tasted like a hamburger, but it was pretty good.  It was kind of unidentifiable as a far as taste goes, though maybe it tasted a bit like chicken?  I liked it.  I'll eat it again.

So, I made it through another day and I'm fighting to keep going today, and to try and do a little better today than yesterday!

.

Blue.

I never really thought about it, but they say that the color blue is an appetite suppressant.  Apparently there are very few, if any, foods that are naturally blue.  Even BLUEberries are actually purple.  So, I wondered if seeing a blue food would be a turnoff for real, or if it just sounded good on paper.

  Blue rice.  Looks pretty gross



                                       Blue pancakes?  Not so yummy!











So, what does this mean?  If I eat on a blue plate, will that make me less hungry?  Or, what if I put a blue light in the refrigerator - will that make all the food look unappealing to me and thus keep me from eating random snacks?  Interesting thought.

And what about the idea of eating on smaller plates to make me feel like my plate is fuller?

Is my brain really tricked by these things?  Supposedly so!  There have been scientific (and some not-so-scientific) studies done that all seem to indicate our minds can be tricked. 

I understand that yellow promotes eating.  Hence McDonald's and their golden arches! 

I have always thought I was fairly intelligent.  But intelligence has nothing to do with our instincts.  Our mind (and appetite) can be triggered by colors and even smells, no matter how smart we are.  We might be able to overcome the impulse, but we can't stop the initial reaction. 

Not that I'm saying I want to trick my mind by making my food look unappetizing.  Somethow I don't think that's a long term solution to anything.  After all, I like food.  It's a big part of my life and I don't want to make it into something unpleasant.

But I expect that eating on a blue plate MIGHT do something.  And eating on a smaller plate might as well.  So those are worth a shot.

And while I'm not sure what these things might or might not do for my appetite, as long as there MIGHT be something to these ideas, I'm certainly not going to paint my kitchen yellow!

Well, the dinner seemed to turn out well.  Everyone loved it and hardly noticed it was "lighter" at all!  I will add a page with the recipe and calorie count info etc.  Hubby's only comment that he noticed was that it didn't have the crispy crust that you get when you fry the steaks in oil, but he said the flavor was excellent!  And it was all comfort food, so that's a plus!

I am having problems keeping my sodium content down.  With blood pressure issues, that's a pretty important thing, so I'll have to work on that.  Doesn't help that I ate Chinese food for lunch yesterday!

This cold-thing I have is worse today.  But I still got up and rode the bike.  My third daughter is too sick to go to school and if I get to the point where she is, I'm afraid I won't be able to ride the bike.  And if I don't ride the bike, I'm afraid I'll get off my schedule, and if I get off my schedule, I'm afraid I won't get back on again.  I've failed before due to illness and not being able to get back on track.  So I've got to make sure I ride if at all possible, and if it's not, then to ride as soon thereafter as I can.  I'm not supposed to judge myself, but I sure am lazy!  So I've got to make sure I somehow motivate myself if I do happen to get too sick to exercise.

But let's fight that battle when/if it happens.  For today, I've done my riding.  I did the bowflex yesterday so I don't have to worry about doing that for now.

You know, as long as I'm worrying about possible future events, I think I should start planning for my first plateau.  At some point, my body is going to get used to the work outs that I'm doing and I'm going to have to shake it up.  I need to start looking for other exercises to add in.  That way I'll be prepared when it does happen.

I need to keep in mind that I can't do things that won't work in the long run.  That's why diets always fail - if you do something short term to lose weight, then even if it works, as soon as you stop doing it, you're going to gain it all back.  That's why it's important to find things that I like doing - things I can keep on doing in the long run.  If it's too hard, then even if I can motiviate myself to do it in the short term, if I can't keep it up, then I'll fall right back into my old habits.

So far I've found things I like to do and that I think I can do indefinitely.  The bike riding is fun because I get to read (actually started a new series this morning!) and I have always loved weight lifting, so the bowflex is easy to talk myself into (or at least it doesnt' take much to motivate myself to do it).  I'm a little concerned about finding other things, though.  I do like the belly dancing idea.  I used to really enjoy that (not that it's easy - it's one of the hardest things to do, but it's fun), so maybe that is something that will work for me.

Meanwhile, I'll start posting what recipes are working for me and maybe that will help. 

            I can!  You can!  Let's do it!

I am going to attempt to make a "lighter" version of some comfort food.  If they turn out, I'll add a page with the recipes for you to try. 

I find that when I think so much about food all the time, that all I want to do is EAT!  So, by trying to take some of our favorite meals and make them "lighter,"  I'll be able to get out of that "diet" mind-frame which seems to be so detrimental.

I expect I'll have some failed recipes.  But even small changes can help.  The idea that if we change nothing, we stay the same must mean that if we make changes, we'll see changes.

Tonight's attempt will be country fried steak, mashed potatoes, gravy and peas. 

I'm pleased to report that I seem to finally be losing weight.  I'm down 4.2 pounds.  It only took a month and a half to get here.  It was very frustrating. And I expect I will have times when I plateau as well, which will probably be equally frustrating. 

I'm also getting sick.  My youngest brought home something that has made it through everyone and finally to me.  It's a cold-thing which is extremely unpleasant.  BUT, I still got up and rode the bike today.  Made it a mile more than I ever have before.

I think the reason I am able to keep doing the bike is that I read while I ride.  It's the only time I have in my schedule to actually read, so I look forward to riding so I can read more of the book!  I expect it would work for treadmill walking and running if you maybe watch a TV series only when you are exercising.  Then you would look forward to it.  If you have Netflix, then you would have a lot of series to choose from.  If not, it's not horrible to buy a set of dvds - especially if it gets you on the bike, treadmill, etc.  I like Dexter at the moment, but there are all kinds of series out there and if you only allow yourself to watch them while exercising, that might help give you a little more desire to do it!  Whatever works right?

Saw this and it made me laugh:



Off to work!  I'll report on dinner tomorrow!

Why are you on your journey?

The answer to this question is going to be the focus of your journey, your motivation to keep you going.  Look deep into your gut and find what REALLY is driving you to make this change. 

For me, my health is not the greatest.  I'm on blood pressure medicine now, and if I don't change my habits, who knows what kind of medicines I'll be on.  I have four beautiful girls and I want to live to see their children.  I would like to live long enough to have their children know me.  That is my main motivation.  My second motivation is that I sure would like to feel sexy again. 

So keeping what you are really hoping to achieve for YOU in mind, you will be able to keep yourself on track.  This isn't about others and what they want.  This isn't about what you think others expect from you.   This is about YOU.  Really dig deep to find what it is that has finally made you look at yourself and say, "Hey, I need to do something!"  You wouldn't be reading this unless something has made you step up and start thinking about changing.  So, find what it is that is YOUR reason.

Write it down.  Put it up on your mirror.  Put it on the fridge!

For me, I found some cartoons and printed them out.  I've put them up everywhere around the house.  It reminds me when I go into the fridge looking for "something"  that I have a reason for not eating that extra "something."  I also found some pictures that inspire me and posted those everywhere.  Next to my bike, so when I feel like giving up or quitting, I'm staring right at my reminder of my true purpose.

Because, believe me.  There are going to be times when you think, "Is this really worth it?  Is it really worth the pain, inconvenience and time to [ride the bike, walk, jog, run - whatever it is you are doing to help you on this journey]?"  And at those moments, you need all the help you can get to remember that YES, it is worth it. 



You can do this.  Find your reason and keep it close.

I feel better today!  Amazing what sleep will do for you!

I haven't been sleeping well at all and last night I finally got to sleep early and slept for around ten hours.  Can't knock that!

I'm still learning this blogging thing, so I'm going to try and add some pages.  I'm adding an inspiration page which will have pictures and quotes that help motivate me to keep on track.  I want to add a page for recipes that I've found tasty and are healthier than what I used to eat.  Any other ideas anyone has, let me know!  Maybe a snack page for items I have found that are low calorie snacks ...  I'll keep working on it!

It is the weekend again, so I have to try and keep focused.  Weekends are about portion control, not deprivation. 

I've been knocking around the idea of, in the short term, buying some of those frozen healthy meals for my dinners.  That way I can monitor the number of calories and fat.  I think I have a problem with judging portion size, so I may actually be eating more calories and fat than I think I am.  If I switch to frozen meals in the short run, it might help me track amounts and such.  I'm not sure I'm going to do it, though.  I still have to make meals for the family and it seems a bit silly to have a separate meal for myself.  It's a thought though. 

I believe portion control is a major issue for a lot of us.  One of the tips I read recently was that we should actually measure out the portions rather than just guess at what "looks right."  We supposedly over estimate what amount a "cup" is and misjudge other portion sizes. 

The problem I have with the actual measuring is that when I concentrate that much on how much I'm eating, it puts me back in that "diet" mode where I end up with an equal and opposite binge.  Somehow if I acutally measure the half cup, my mind focuses on how little there is and makes me feel deprived and hungry.  Which is why the frozen dinner thing might help for a bit.  No worries about how much I can have - it's all done for me without me having to think about it and trigger the binge monster.

If I try it, I'll keep you posted. 

You know, they say that your taste buds can change to get used to different foods.  I have a friend who says he drinks skim milk now, and even though it was watery and gross to begin with, he kept at it and now likes it. 

I wonder if there is something to that.  Maybe I should start drinking skim milk (right now I drink 2% milk and I love it).  And unsweet tea (gross).  But if I can get myself to "get used to it" then maybe after a time, I'll actually like it. 

Well, one thing at a time.  I don't want to sabotage myself by trying to make too many changes at once.  That will no doubt lead to failure.

So, I'm going to stick to what I'm doing and maybe try adding one thing in at a time.  I will keep you guys posted!

Hit a little bit of a block today.  From a very unexpected source!

I have been trying to think of other exercises I can do to add in to my journey.  I used to do belly dancing and really enjoyed it.  So I was looking around on the internet for some of the dvds I used to use back in the day.  I found that one of them, at least, is on Netflix!  So I was pretty excited about that.  However, Netflix means that it is only available in our house on the TV where the wii is connected.  The living room.  Where everyone tends to congregate. 

So.  At this point of my journey, I don't want an audience as I try to re-learn the art of belly dancing.    My hubby said, "If you do it in the living room, then I can watch you!"  That was a nice comment - made me feel good that he would even want to watch that attempt at this point (unless it was just for the amusement factor ... totally a possibility).  I'm not very comfortable with myself at the moment, though.  And I replied, "When I look like her again, " I said, pointing to the woman on the screen, "then I'll dance for you."

And he said, "We'll be old and dead before you look like that again."  I'm sure it was a joke, but boy it kinda sucker punched me!

So all day today I've been wondering if maybe I CAN'T do this.  Maybe I WILL be old and dead before I'm slim again.  Total roadblock.

Isn't it funny how with all the positive things I've been doing every day, that one small comment almost undid me?  Pretty wild.  Goes to show that a support network only goes so far.

And then I remembered that I'm not doing this for him or for anyone else.  I'm doing it for ME.  And if I believe I can do it, then I will. 

It was just a shock to have what I expected to be my strongest support pulled out from under me.  It almost undid me.  And I'm sure he didn't mean it the way it came out.  And you have to remember, I've failed at weight loss a number of times, so he's just talking from experience.  But isn't it funny how we believe what others say and think over what we know inside ourselves? 

I mean, I was about to self destruct.  If my own husband doesn't believe I can do it, then why should I believe it?  His opinion is one that I've always respected and listened to.  He's a smart guy.  I tend to believe what he says.  And he doesn't think I can do it.  Kind of set me back.

So it was a tough day.  Until I decided to use some of my tools and get myself back on track.  I looked up motivational quotes, pictures and sites on the internet.  I looked at the 52 Weight Loss Missions and worked on some of those tips and tools and got myself refocused. 

And I feel better.  And I AM going to do it.  Sure, it might not be tomorrow, but I'm working on it! 

 

I rode the bike this morning.  Did my planking.  Have I talked about the planking? Not the phenomenon that is all over the world were people make their bodies stiff like a plank and lie on things, but the exercise.  Where you lie on your stomach then get up on your toes and elbows, holding your body straight like a plank for as long as you can ...

I'm telling you - it's brutal.  You are supposed to work up to three sets of three minutes.  Yeah ... right....  I can do three sets of about six seconds!  And then walk around in pain the entire next day!  Which, I guess means it's working! 

So, I've jumped an unexpected obstacle today.  And I've exercised and eaten well.  So, all in all, I'm doing okay today.  Hey - that which does not kill us makes us stronger. 

Today I'm stronger.

There really seems to be something to the need for protein.

I find that I feel so much better when I up my protein intake.  I guess all the working out and exercise really does mean that you have to increase that protein.

I have a little breakfast thing I eat, and I have discovered that when I eat it, I feel much better than when I have cereal or a milk drink for breakfast.

It's very easy:

1 egg, cracked into a coffee mug or soup bowl.  A tablespoon of chopped ham scattered on top and 1/2 a slice of american cheese, ripped and thrown on top.  I cover it with cling wrap and zap it in the microwave for 1 minute.  It is so tasty.  And it's 142 calories and 8.5 grams of fat, and it makes me feel energetic and terrific.  Not a bad way to start the day!  Since it is microwaved, there is no butter, oil or even the cooking spray to add any unwanted calories or fat.  It's slam full of protein.

This morning I made the mistake of riding the bike for 56 minutes and then doing my bowflex workout right after that.  I had this thought that it would be nice to get it all done before the kids got up.  Yeah.  No.  Not doing that again.  That was a bit rough.

I think I will stick to my ride every morning and then doing the bowflex workout right before I have to go meet my little one's bus. 

I'm also having some issues with controlling my sweet intake.  Hubby got me a wonderful HUGE  heart of chocolate for valentine's day.  I have been good at only eating a few pieces, but I've eaten a few pieces two nights in a row.  As I said yesterday, it's fine to eat yummy things sometimes.  But I  don't think every night is a good thing.

Still, I think there is a lot to be said for the fact that I didn't sit down and eat the entire box in one sitting - that's been known to happen before! 


So ... really, I'm thinking I deserve a pat on the back!!!

Okay, maybe not.  The scales tell a different tale.  I'm up a pound, but then again, I had lost two finally so I've still broken a threshold.  And maybe it's just a normal fluctuation rather than the candy.  Shouldn't blame the poor candy!

Anyway, it was hard to get up and ride this morning.  My leg muscles are sore and I was tired and I didn't sleep well.  But I did it.  And I'm proud of myself for doing it.

I downloaded a few more apps to my ipad yesterday.  Some were just daily tips.  Some are trackers, which are kind of cool.  I also found one that supposedly helps subliminally stop our cravings and that if we play it when we are having a craving, it will help us with it.  Not sure I believe that one, but, hey, it's worth a shot.

   I believe I am finding my way!  I certainly have the will!

Here is my quote of the day:

"Knowing is not enough; we must apply.  Willing is not enough; we must do."

-Johann von Goethe

So, I'm off to apply and do.

Food.

It really is the crux of the whole weight loss issue.

We are supposed to focus on eating to live, not living to eat.  But who wants to live a life without enjoying food?  For me, food is a party.  It is family and comfort and friends.  It makes me feel good.  It's a way to celebrate.

Okay, so how do I manage to lose weight when food means so much to me?

The key, I think, is portion control.

If I try and block out all the "good" food, I'll be miserable.  So, I need to be more mindful of how I eat, when I eat and WHAT I eat.

On normal days, I can strive to make the lower fat/lower calorie versions of foods I love.  I can make smarter choices in what I eat.  On special days, the days where food is a part of the party, I need to control the portions, but still enjoy what I love, and ignore the foods I don't have to have.  Luckily for me, I'm the cook, so I can control what I make.  There are lots of foods that others love that I can take or leave.  And there are healthier versions of just about any kind of food you can think of.

My next holiday where I'll be facing the food issue is Mardi Gras.  I do so LOVE Fat Tuesday.  I will make a jambalaya, shrimp po' boys, and I'm sure many other yummy things.  But what I'll concentrate on is, eating my smaller portion of jambalaya over a larger portion of whole grain rice.  And maybe the shrimp without the bun and sauces of the po' boy.  I'll practice portion control, but still share in the joy of the food and the party with my family and friends.  I won't be munching on carrots in the corner and feeling deprived and unhappy.  And the king cake?  Not really a favorite of mine, so I will be able to by-pass it altogether this year.  No eating food that doesn't mean anything to me - that's a waste of calories! 

And, I'll have my blog to help me through if I feel the need to party a bit more than I should.

I can control my actions.  And by allowing myself to eat these things, I'm not having to face my inner demons or fight temptation (a battle I almost never win ... sigh ...). 

This way of thinking is totally new to me.  I've always thought that it's an all or nothing type thing.  Which is why I've always failed in the past.  This self-permission thing, along with all the other tools I have, seems to be making a huge difference for me.  After all, I started this journey on January 2nd.  It's February 15th and I haven't quit yet.  I think that might be a record for me (sad, but true).  And I still feel motivated, excited and determined. 

  I like this picture/quote.  We all have to work on our kingdoms, and food is a part of it.  We have to embrace it - you can't have a kingdom without it.

So, even if you feel like you live for food and you don't see how you could ever diet and deprive yourself, there is a way to do this.  It isn't about deprivation - because that only leads to an opposite binge.  Deprivation doesn't work.  You have to work WITH the food.  But do we really need to eat three hot dogs?  No, of course not.  There are other things we can eat and still enjoy the party.

And you know what?  If a hot dog is one of those things you have to have?  Then have one - sometimes.  It's okay!

We are going to make it through this journey!

I've discovered that this is all really about change.

Not the obvious "I want to change my body, health, etc" but change in our mentality about it all.

Who knew that weight loss was more a mental battle than a physcial one?

Basically, something has to change.  Whatever you are doing now is just going to result in whatever you look and feel like now.  More of the same will lead to more of the same.

Okay, easier said than done.  How do we change?  We are stuck in our ways, comfortable.  Change is hard.

The key is to start with the mental change.  No physical change is going to work and persist if the mental change doesn't come first.  I've found that this can be a long journey in and of itself.  To become mentally ready to face the physcial changes is a huge block to overcome.  It took me a while of mental adjustments before I was finally ready.  I had to plan it all out and get comfortable with it in my mind before I could do anything physical.  Luckily for me, New Year's came right at the time I became mentally ready.  So I was able to use the whole "It's time for a New Year and a New Start" thing to get me kick started.  That means you have to find your own time for a new start to get your mind ready so that your body can follow.

The first thing I changed was adding in the bike.  Adding exercise is not an easy change.  I had to figure out how I was going to add that time in, WHEN I could add that in etc, and then become mentally ready to do it.  Luckily for me, my hubby has been supportive.  The bike is in our room and I get up about 30 minutes before he does and I ride.  I turn on the light and ride.  I was very reluctant to interfere with his sleep, but he assured me that it really didn't bother him, so I was able to find a time for me to add in exercise without having to change my already crowded schedule.  That made it easy for me.

Well.  Easier.  It's not easy to get up and ride the bike when all I want to do is sleep.  But by having the support of my hubby and the time that doesn't interfere with me being a mom, lawyer, wife, cook, housekeeper, etc, made it doable.

The next change came in adding in the bowflex.  Luckily again, I really am into weight lifting.  Did it a lot in college and I was one of those lucky people who could lift without bulking up.  I was lithe and stong and I really enjoyed it.  So, mentally, it wasn't hard to want to add that in. I just had to find a way to change my life to add it.  I played with times and found some didn't work so well.  Then I discovered that it worked pretty well to stop working and work out just before it was time to go get my child off the bus.  I planned it in to my schedule, and it seems to be working!

My next mental block has been the fact that I've been doing all this since 1-2-12.  And I wasn't seeing any kind of results.  That creates a lot of mental pressure.  It's hard enough doing this stuff as it is, but not seeing any kind of results really had me frustrated.  Which is where this blog has come in so handy.  It keeps me going and motivates me to keep on going.

And finally, I think I'm starting to have some physical changes to go with my mental ones! 

Another change that I made was to try and start cooking "lighter."  After all, if what I was doing was keeping me at status quo, then making small changes should bring small results.  So switching from cream of mushroom soup as a base to recipes, I can start using the healthy request cream of mushroom soup.  Not major changes.  Nothing drastic where I risk the "diet" factor and the equal and opposite binge.  Just small changes.  Cook with skim milk.  I can't drink the stuff straight, but I can cook with it.  Use chicken broth rather than oil to fry chicken breasts with.  Small changes.

Cooking lighter isn't the only way to change the food front.  Portions.  That's what the key is for me.  I can still eat the steak (which is my all-time favorite food in the whole wide world) - just not a big porterhouse. 

What got me thinking of all this was that I was facing another change if I wanted to participate in the color run.  I was going to have to mentally and physcially work another type of workout into my life.  Find a way to add walking at the park or on the treadmill, etc.  So it got my brain going over the ways I could do it without failing. 

I'm a lazy person.  I don't deny it.  So I have to mentally find a way to do something that I will be able to keep up.

Turns out, though, that the color run has closed, so I won't be able to participate.  It apparently filled up very fast and no more slots are left.  Upsetting.   But as it turns out, that means I don't have to fit in another change.  I can keep doing what I'm doing, which seems to be finally getting me somewhere.

  

Today is going to be a rough day.  I had about an hour and a half of sleep last night.  The dog must have gotten up to go outside about five times.  Not feeling the greatest this morning!

I did get up and ride the bike though!  Made it 12.5 miles and about 56 minutes.  Burned 250 calories this morning, right off the bat.

I think I'm going to participate in the color run at the end of March.  It's a 5K run, though I would have to walk it.  My joints are no where near up to running.  My oldest daughter said she wants to do it and she'll even walk with me (she's a runner, so it will be agony for her to have to walk it ...) and keep me company!  I think it will be fun.  Though, now I have to figure out a way to incorporate walking into my exercise routine.  Not sure how easy that is going to be...

Along those lines, here is my quote of the day:

"What the mind of a man can conceive and believe, it can achieve." 

- Napoleon Hill

Winston Churchill said, "Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."  But I think it should be "without loss of determination."  There are times when failure dampens the enthusiasm, but if the determination is still there, that's what counts.

Reddit has a "couch to 5K" sub-reddit that I'm going to look into to try and get ready for this thing. 

Meanwhile, I seem to be holding steady with my program.  This weekend wasn't as bad as I expected.  I did manage to eat smaller portions, so I'm proud of myself for that.  It wasn't like I felt deprived since I allowed myself some.  Friday night was pretty much a loss, though.  Can't do much about alcohol and mexican food.  We'll just chalk that one up to "good times" and move on.  I'll have to analyze date night a little differently next time.

So, a fresh week is here.  It's a bad week work-wise.  Lots of things to do this week.  Plus we have Valentine's Day to deal with - schools, etc.  This weekend coming up is a 4 day weekend for the kids (not for Hubby and I, however). 

Just got to keep on keeping on.  Day by day. 

Weekends kill me.

I do pretty well over the week.  I had even lost two pounds last week, though I'm not sure that's not just normal fluctuation.  Then the weekend comes.

Date night.  We go to a mexican restaurant and play keno and sit at the bar. So.  Alcohol.  Mexican food.  That's pretty disatrous right there.  But it's our favorite spot.  We are known there, the bartender has drinks going for us as soon as she sees us come in the door.  And it's something we both enjoy together which makes the "date" part of date night a success.  I'm not sure how to fix this one.  I don't want to feel deprived on my night with my man.  That's a sure fire way to dampen the mood.  I'll have to think about this one.

The next problem with weekends is children.  Our kids come home from college and both hubby and I feel the need to feed them - lol.  One lives on campus food all week and the other lives in an apartment and cooks her own food, which means she doesn't eat much all week, either.  So I feel the need to mother them when they come home.  Hubby feels the need as well.  He's the breakfast cook, so he makes these feasts for them, which they love.  Problem is, I love them too.  This morning he will be making pork chops and gravy for breakfast.  Another problem with children on the weekends is my third daughter is pretty good cook herself.  And she loves to make treats.  She's probably made four batches of cookies over the last two weekends.  I don't want to take her cooking from her - it's a hobby that she loves to do.  But I can't manage to NOT eat the dern cookies!   I'll have to think about this one too. 

Another weekend issue is relatives.  This weekend we will be going to celebrate my mother-in-law's birthday.  It will be good times, but it will also be good food.  It's going to be a fish fry with homemade hushpuppies and homemade french fries along with the fried fish.  Wait.  Fish is good for me, isn't it?  Just kidding.  Fried fish isn't.  Luckily, these things don't happen every weekend.

I'm sure I can figure out a way to eat better on the weekends.  Or at least less.  Maybe I'll survive weekends if I can just eat LESS.  That way I can still enjoy some and not feel deprived (thereby leading to an opposite binge) but also not totally self destruct.

One way to deal with this may be to enlist their help.  There is a mission on that in the 52 Weight Loss Missions, but I haven't gotten to that one yet.  I'll keep doing the missions and see where it takes me. I'll be curious to see what type of help it suggests.  Because it's hard enough for people to live their own lives without having to jump in and help me with mine!

The one good thing I do on weekends is that I still ride my bike.  It's a constant, so I know that helps.

I took my "before" pictures yesterday.  It's another ipad app that allows you to take four pictures - front, back and both sides.  It stores them with the date and whatever notes you want to make as well as your weight that day.  Then, later, you take four more pictures and the app allows you to compare them side-by-side. 

It's amazing the tools that are out there these days.  Two ipad apps, reddit, blogs.  With all this help out there, it seems like all of us should succeed.

Of course nothing takes the place of motivation.  You've got to be in the right place in your mind to be able to do this, even with the tools available these days.

 

That's pretty powerful.  Kind of like the one where sweat is your fat melting.  I love that one. 



This one is important.  Because even though I'm feeling a bit defeated by my weekends, there is always tomorrow.  I can do this.  I can keep doing this.  I can not allow myself to be defeated by my lack of self control.  I can find a way to work around my obstacles and continue on my road to success!  I can DO this!!!



I read something today that really made sense to me.  I'm doing the 52 Weight Loss Missions (an ipad app) and in Mission 4, it quotes Geneen Roth, who is apparently a women-food guru.  The thought was this:

For every diet there is an equal and opposite binge.

I know, right??  It was like an "AHA!" moment for me.  Every time I try to diet, I fail.  And I think the reason is another thing said in Mission 4:

psycological self-abuse

This hits home, too!  Think about it.  It's an abusive cycle when you try and "diet."  You do well, your body feels deprived, you can't do anything but think of food, you binge, you feel defeated, you berate yourself, feel disgusted with yourself and then try and start over again, perhaps this time being even more strict, which would lead to an even worse (and equal/opposite) binge.

No wonder dieting doesn't work!

I think I have to recommend this 52 Weight Loss Missions to everyone.  I'm finding it to be a refreshing look at this whole process.  Some really good ideas.  Really motivating.

So, bottom line is, I can't really DIET.  I need to think about what I eat, but I can't starve myself or make things so restricting that I fail.  Again.

Of course, I realize this means I'm not going to lose the weight like I do when I go on a fad diet.  Those work to a degree over a very short time period, but again, the opposite binge happens to undo it all.  So rather than fast and furious, I need to take it slow and steady.  Which means I shouldn't get upset by the slowness of it. 

I will, of course, get upset by the slowness of it.  But that's what this blog is for.  A daily motivational reminder of what I'm doing, how I 'm doing, and a tool to get me through those "down" times.

Today I feel pretty good.  This morning already fell apart in my plans, but with a family of four kids, three dogs, two cats and a hubby, this is bound to happen.  I got up and rode, but one daughter needed a shower early this morning (and chose our shower ... why?  I have no idea) so I wasn't able to have my quiet meditation time after my bike ride or get in the shower afterwards (no hot water).  But, that's okay.  I still got my bike ride in.  I can be fluid.  I can work around these things.  I do miss my mediation, which is interesting because I didn't realize how much it was doing for me, so really, maybe it was a good thing, this disruption, because it has shown me that the meditation is another tool that seems to be working for me.

So, I feel good.  My muscles all ache in a good way.  I went up on weight yesterday on the bowflex.  My leg muscles are feeling the bike.  I haven't gotten on the scale, but I feel good.  And I'm not supposed to focuse on the weight aspect anyway.  So feeling good is a good thing!

This is how I feel today:

And this:



So ... off to do the rest of my day!

Time.

That's what I've never allowed myself before, and I believe that is why I've failed all the prior attempts to lose weight.  I have never been selfish enough to spend time on my health.  And that's what it takes.  Active time.

I swear the difference is having that bike in our room.  It's so easy to roll out of bed, throw on exercise clothes and jump on the bike.  It's made all the difference.  Even to the point that I can make myself get up earlier to actually ride the bike.  Now I'm thinking, maybe an extra fifteen minutes earlier and I can do the bowflex right after I ride.  Get all the exercise done.  In fact, maybe thirty minutes earlier and I can take a shower when I'm done and be ready to face the day before the kids even get up!  Of course, I'd have to get up at like 3:00 a.m. to do all I'd like to do before the kids get up, and I just don't think I can do that.

Am listening to the subliminal weight loss cd each night.  Hubby likes it.  I'm not really noticing a change in my eating habits, but I don't know what the subliminal messages in it are, so I can't really say if it's working. It will take time to work anyway.

There's that word again.  Time.  Making time for me to workout.  Allowing time for it all to work.  Time's a pretty important concept in the weight loss arena. 

I'm working on the protein thing too.  Since I rode the bike and weight lifted today, I ate an egg with ham and cheese in it this morning.  Since I microwaved it ,there was no oil or butter in the making of it and it was very satisfying and filling.  Drank my 2% milk (which is really my splurge item) and with all that, it was 262 calories and 13.5 grams of fat.  If it keeps me going, then it will be worth it, and I got a double whammy of protein to feed my muscles.

I also took some Advocare catalyst, which is supposed to help muscles hold their mass while allowing the fat to come off.  I hope to remember to take my fibotrim each night.  And I still want to do the spark thing - I think I need to make a bunch and keep it in the refrigerator so it's always ready for me. 

I'm pretty proud of myself today for some reason.  And it might all have to do with eating a real breakfast.  Usually I have a milk drink, which is good in that it provides lots of vitamins and minerals and is a decent calorie and fat amount (plus it's chocolate - how awesome is that??) but I think it's not high enough in protein to support my morning exercises and that might be why I crash at 2-ish every day.

For whatever reason, I feel good about myself today.  Maybe it's the taking action thing.  Actually doing something after just "wishing" for it all these years. 



At the moment, I'm disciplined.  I can't worry about tomorrow.  I just need to focus on today and make it through and be proud of what I've done today.

Still feeling a bit down about not losing weight.  Of course, there is a reason I'm not losing weight.  Last night, I made a great low-calorie, low-fat meal that actually filled me up and made me feel satisfied.  How often does that happen?  But then, my daughter made cookies ... and could I resist?  No ....  I simply have no self control.  That's why I don't usually have those things in the house - if I don't have them here, I can't eat them!  But she had specifically asked for them so she could cook them, so I bought her some to make.  I must say they were tasty ...

I rode 12 miles on the bike this morning!  And for 55 minutes!  So that's a good thing.  And I'm sore from the bowflex yesterday, so that's also a good thing.  It's progress.  One day at a time.  And Mike helped me get my measurements yesterday, which is another reason I'm kind of down today.  They are just horrible.  I actually feel a bit disgusted with myself, but I have to keep remembering that I am doing something about this! 

I do think there is something to my protein issue.  I am feeling so much better, body-wise, now that I"m paying attention to my protein. 

Did the subliminal music thing again last night.  Had weird dreams - don't know if the two are related - LOL.

I need some encouragement today.

and another one:

I like the thought that a bit of encouragement can mean more than praise.  The pictures and quotes are my endouragement for the day.  Much needed today.

I need to keep on trying.  Doing what I can do a little bit at a time.  I downloaded an app for the ipad yesterday that is 52 things to do to help lose weight.  I'm curious to see what it's about. 



Tried something new.  Downloaded an album that is supposedly subliminal weight loss music.  I listened to it last night, so we'll see.  Worth a shot, I figure.  Maybe if I listen to that every night, it will do something for me.  I'll keep you updated!

Meanwhile, I think I need to get back to my chakra meditation.  That stuff is pretty cool.  I didn't have time this morning since I rode the bike longer than usual.  Made it over 50 minutes.  Then had to get the kids up and ready for school.  Hubby, Mike, is at a trade show so it was all me this morning. 

I didn't bowflex yesterday and that's disappointing.  I was having motivational issues yesterday afternoon.  I seem to hit a spot at around 2:30 when I'm just so tired and drained that I can't do anything.  I have a theory.  I think it's not enough protein.  I was craving peanut butter so I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and felt amazingly better right after that.  I regained energy etc.  So maybe all this exercise is too much without more protein.  It's a thought.

I do seem to be much better in the mornings.  I have more energy and focus.  Maybe I need to start drinking the Advocare Spark again around 2-ish every day. 

Some pictures of the day:

 

Both of those are great!  The one - to remember that health is where it's coming from and the other to remind me that it's about doing things one day at a time.

It's not so hard when you think in terms of yesterday.  Like for me, yesterday I didn't do the bowflex.  Today I will do it, so already that's an improvement over yesterday! 

Baby steps ...

Super Bowl fallout ... had a feast last night and ate a ton!  But got right back up this morning and on that bike.  I don't want to weigh today.  So, I don't think I will.  And I'm not going to fee guilty about the food I ate last night.  I enjoyed time with my family and football and really felt happy.  I deserve happy times.  And I ate a lot of protein, which I think I've been lacking lately, especially with my weight lifting program.  So.  Enough said about the feast.

I found a picture that I just LOVE!

I was just thinking this morning how gross I felt all sweaty after riding the bike.  But if I think of it as my fat crying as I work it off, it's not so bad!

I also had a thought.  You can't get it by wishing.  You can't get it by hoping.  You can't get it by worrying about it.  You get it by DOING it. 

I have to keep on doing it. 

Here is another one:

It's a true statement. 

I think I need to add another level to this.  The exercise is good.  It's working to make me my healthier self, which is really the goal.  Weight loss is not the goal in and of itself.  I want to be healthy so that I will live long enough to see my grandchildren, enjoy my retirement (assuming I ever get to retire ... but that's another story altogether) and live life pain free.  The weight loss, however, I expected to come with the exercise.  And it's not.  So I need to figure out the next level.

I have decided to keep a blog of my progress towards a healthier me!  I'm still learning about the blog thing, so bear with me. 

I actually started this journey back on January 2nd.  You know, the whole New Year's Resolution thing.  But I actually did it this time.

We bought a recumbent bike for Christmas and I have been riding it faithfully since January 2nd.  I then added in workouts on the bowflex every other day about a week after that. 

So, how's it going after a month of exercise?  Well....I haven't lost any weight at all.  But I do feel better.  And I think I might be losing inches.  I've actually hit a spot of frustration because of the non-weight-loss thing.  But I'll keep trucking on. 

In fact, one of the things I want this blog to do, is inspire me to keep on going. 

Quote of the day:

      "The secret of sucess is having the courage to begin in the first place!"

And I hope to be able to add pictures here as well.  Let's try it!



I'd say that worked pretty well! 

The other thing that I think would help me with this journey is to try and think of things I'm happy for or thankful for.  I think I need to be reminded of all that is good in my life even when I'm unahppy about what my body feels like at the moment.  I have to remember that I am doing this one day at a time and that I'm not going to look perfect over night.

I am thankful for:  Cold rain - it's refreshing.  Hot sunshin - it's decadent.  Snowflakes - each one is unique.  Spring flowers - triumph over winter.

I can do this.  I need to keep it up.  Don't give up.