Willpower ... where is it??

It's amazingly easy for me to fall off track.  Doesn't take much at all, unfortunately.  And I'm not sure what to do about it.

Other than get back up, brush myself off and try again.

We had to go to Sam's Club yesterday for plates, cups, etc.  The meats there are excellent, so we couldn't pass up the steak.  Which wouldn't have been bad if I could control my portions.  I made the baked potato wedges and baked artichoke hearts, so the sides were very low calorie.  But could I eat just 4 oz of steak??? Noooooo.  I don't know how much I ate, but it was at least 8 oz, if not more.  Probably more like 12 oz.  And I had wine, which led to popcorn and Oreos.

I had been worried that my calorie counts were too low to be healthy.  I guess I made up for that worry yesterday.

I did try the Lean Cuisine Asian Salad kit yesterday.  I actually didn't like it as much as I've liked the other two I've tried.  I bought a ton more Lean Cuisines to try so hopefully today I'll be better at staying on track.

Last year I was so much better at fighting my beast and staying on track.  What's happened?  Why am I so quick to derail myself?  I was so much more committed last year.  Determined.  Why am I not now?  And how do I get it back?

All I know to do is to keep on my plan and keep on trying.  It's hard to mess up when it's all planned out for you, so I guess that's what I'll do.  I'll try and limit my distractions.

I kind of feel like this today:

Hopefully I'll get over this slump!!

Weekend Woes.

I knew the weekend was going to be hard.  I didn't completely fail, but I didn't do so great either.

Friday night was date night, and we actually didn't do too horribly.  I did eat waaaay too much mushroom/cheese dip (so yummy!) and we had the chicken wings and Margaritas.  Still, not as bad as it could have been.

Saturday - Hubby made pancakes, potato cakes and hash.  I ate 1 pancake and 1 potato cake.  For dinner I made hamburgers, and I was GOING to eat a Lean Cuisine, but ... didn't.  I did not eat lunch.

Sunday - Hubby made sausage gravy and biscuits.  I ate one.  I had a milk drink for lunch and planned to eat a Lean Cuisine for dinner.  I didn't.  I ate the chicken piccata with artichokes and rice.  I had several glasses of wine (which is always my downfall as far as my will power goes).  I ate popcorn as a snack during Game of Thrones...way too late to be eating snacks.  And we had bread with olive oils - which are fantastic, but I can't eat just a little, so I over-did that as well.

This morning my alarm didn't go off.  Well, actually, the last time I turned OFF the alarm, I apparently hit the button to change time zones, so it went off - just an hour too late for me to ride the bike this morning.  Not a great way to start my week.

I should be able to do well through the week on the Lean Cuisine diet as long as no one suggests lunch out or something like that.

Oh, and another issue - the surgery I had to fix things apparently didn't fix things as well as I had hoped.  So I'm having hormonal issues on top of everything else, which isn't great.

I just need to put my head down and charge through this.  I have a lot of things to do between getting ready for the graduation and work, and I just need to do them, need to stay on track, need to focus and get through it.  I can do it.  I just might not like it so much this week.

I'm going to stop complaining and just do it.

Another Day on Track

I know it's still very early, but I"m loving this plan.

Here's how yesterday went:

Started with the Advocare Slim - 15 calories (also had this mid afternoon) - 2x per day

Then:

Buttermilk and all my pills - Advocare vitamins, blood pressure meds

Milk drink - 150 calories

Lean Cuisine lunch - this was really, really good - 150 calories.

Laughing Cow cheese wedge for a snack - 35 calories

2 prunes for a snack - 50 calories

Lean Cuisine - Shrimp Alfredo for dinner - 210 calories.  This was soooo good!  And filling and creamy - again, no deprived feelings.  I also had a cup of okra which I forgot to take a picture of!  120 calories

100 calorie popcorn snack while watching TV

Total calories = 935

Again, though, I did not ride the bike this morning.  I guess it's too much for my brain to try a new diet and exercise at the same time!  So, I'll try and start that up on Monday.

This weekend will be interesting to see.  It's one thing to be able to stay on this diet plan while the kids are in school and I'm working.  It will be harder with the kids home and food around all day, but I'm going to try!

Tonight is date night, so I'll monitor food up until that point and then be back on track tomorrow!

I was up .4 lbs today - fluctuations up suck - but I'm still down over all so I'm not discouraged.  I believe I will do this diet for at least another week.  I'm not sure how long I can go before I get sick of Lean Cuisines, but so far there is plenty of variety.  I've liked just about everything I've eaten except the spinach part of the garlic chicken.

I have learned some things this week:

1)  I have realized that all vegetables are NOT created equal.  The butter beans, which I love, are very high in calories (for a veggie).  A cup of those is 190 calories!  A cup of green beans is only 77 calories.  I figured  veggie = low calorie, but it's not always so!

2)  I also thought I would have more trouble not eating what the rest of the family is eating.  Last night I made them shrimp and grits, but I didn't feel upset by not being able to eat it, even though it looked wonderful and smelled even better.  I'm kind of surprised that I'm able to spend all the time and effort cooking for them and not miss eating it all.

3)  Planning makes it easy.  If I didn't have this all written out on a weekly menu, I would never be able to do this.  I planned out everything - breakfast, snacks, dinner - all with calorie counts.  No room for waffling, no room for wiggling out of the plan.  It's posted upstairs on the refrigerator and down in my office.

4)  When I'm actually DOING something, I feel better about myself.  Even though the scale hasn't started to really show anything yet, the fact that I am planning - and implementing - my diet, I FEEL better about me, about life in general.  I'm in a much better mood.

So I'll keep it up and we'll see how it goes!  I will, as always, keep you posted!

Still on Track.

Yesterday was a terrible day.  You all may recall when my desktop crashed last October and I had to spend a ton of money to get my data recovered.  The Geek Squad put all my recovered data onto an external hard drive that I have been using as my back up.  Well, it crashed.  So (because I was dumb and didn't back up my back up - who knew??) I get to face the option of restoring the data at a huge cost AGAIN.  I wouldn't do it except all the pictures of my kids from 2007 to July 2012 are on there.

So, as an alternative, I have been trying to restore what I did have saved on Dell Datasafe and I keep getting restore failure messages. (I don't recommend Dell Datasafe - but that's another story).

Then, hubby was gone to help our oldest with her car battery (did you know you have to take off the TIRE of a Seabring to take off and swap out a dead battery???) so I had to take our 3rd to the physical therapy appointment which meant I couldn't start dinner until about 7:00 p.m. - NOT GOOD!  I was starving and there was ample opportunity to just give up and go get take out on the way home.

So it was just a crappy day.  The good news is that because I was on this tightly planned diet, I didn't give in to binges or emotional eating.  I didn't even have a glass of wine, which I would have without the detailed plan I have in place.  So I survived my first real emotional eating situation!  Even last year when I was on a roll with the losing weight, I gave in to emotional eating.  I don't think I have EVER been able to overcome that need for comfort (in the form of food) when I have a crappy, crappy, feel-like-bawling-my-eyes-out day.  I'm pretty impressed.

And I am down .8 lbs since yesterday.  I even survived the Longhorn lunch!  I had the Flo's filet and asparagus!  I drank water, ate no bread or appetizers and because it was STEAK, I didn't feel any kind of deprived!

The only thing I have noticed is that I am hungry a lot.  I've planned in snacks, but when you find yourself in line for 45 minutes at Best Buy when the snacks are at home ... that doesn't help much!  Still, I've been able to stay on track.

I am encouraged for day 4.  Even though I only got 2 hours and 40 minutes of sleep last night.  I clearly need this structure.  My inside voice (the beast, as I've called it) is very strong and can talk me into eating "just one" or "a glass of wine is only 90 calories" or whatever and *boom* I'm off track.  With this tight plan in place, I'm doing it!  And it is still kind of flexible.  Like last night I was supposed to eat the steak tips portabella but since I had beef at lunch, I swapped out for the roasted garlic chicken (which was fabulous, but I did NOT like the spinach that came with it).

Today's plan is:  buttermilk for taking my pills (I can't swallow pills, so I use buttermilk to help push them down - long story, don't ask),  a milk drink (150 calories),  steak tips portabella, an apple for snack, a cheese wedge (laughing cow light cheeses are AMAZING! - 35 succulent, decadent wonderfulness), and then shrimp alfredo for dinner with 1 cup of okra.  That would be 901 calories.  If I eat a snack of popcorn it will be 1001 calories.

I didn't ride the bike this morning.  I am disappointed in myself for that, but I tossed and turned all night and fretted over this dumb computer stuff, plus all the work I need to get done and I just was so tired.  If I hadn't turned off the alarm, I would have only gotten 2 hours of sleep, so the extra 40 minutes was needed today.  I have got to get back to that riding, though.  Tomorrow is date night and I need to burn some calories!!

I'm thinking of posting pictures of the food I'm eating for tomorrow's blog.  Can't make any promises, but I'll try!

For now, it's working.  I can't say how long it will last, but for now, I'm on track!

The New Plan Continues

I did well yesterday, too!  This seems to be easy.  Now I know why those programs with the pre-packaged meals works so well.  There is no thinking involved.  No willpower.  You just eat what's planned and you're done!  I must say, it is kind of nice not to be constantly worrying about what food and how much food and the need for food ... I just eat what was planned and I'm good!

This is especially nice right now since my oldest is graduating from college in a few weeks and I am scrambling trying to plan it all out, get the house clean and figure out family coming in!  Normally I'd be saying - let's pick up Burger King or order out.  But with the meals firmly planned, it's easy!

I did gain .2 lbs overnight.  Again - a fluctuation, I'm sure.  I'll know a more realistic view of things after the week is over.  I may keep this up for a while.  The lack of stress alone is making this so worth it!

Today I do have that lunch at Longhorn, but I feel prepared for that.  I'm going to choose one of the under 500 calorie meals and drink water.  I will eat a lower calorie Lean Cuisine tonight to make up for it as well.

Okay, so I'm only three days into this, so maybe I shouldn't be so excited about it.  But I just can't get over how EASY this is!  (Again - I'm on day three, so it may get harder as time goes on).

I ate 1000 calories yesterday.  I think that's a good amount.  No headache today, though my eyes are still goopy!  This is that love/hate time of year for allergies.  So gorgeous outside and so allergy-laden!!

I did not ride the bike again - I decided I would sleep the extra hour rather than exercise.  Bad choice.  I ended up tossing and turning for that hour.  I should have just gotten up and done the exercise.  I will from now on.  I had no headache excuse this morning - I just felt lazy.  Won't do that tomorrow!  I had kind of thought that with the diet, I could lay off the exercise and still lose weight (did I tell you I'm lazy??) but clearly that is not the way to go.

So another day here.  So far so good!

A Good Start.

Yesterday went really well.  I ended up at 935 calories for the day and didn't feel deprived at all.  That's a bit lower than I'd like, but I didn't have time to eat the afternoon snacks I had planned on.  I made spaghetti for the hubby and kids and I ate a Lean Cuisine with 1 cup of broccoli.  Last night I lost 1.8 pounds ... I'm sure it's just a fluctuation but it was nice to see this morning!

I'm also taking the Advocare Slim which has that Garcinia Cambogia fruit extract in it that Dr. Oz apparently talked about.  We'll see.

The only thing is that I have a splitting headache.  I don't know if it's lack of calories, the Slim, or just allergies hitting me hard.  My eyes are goopy, so I expect it's the latter.  Head hurt so much that I didn't ride the bike this morning.  I'm not very happy about that, but man, it HURTS!  I've taken some Motrin so hopefully it will be gone before long.

I tried the new Lean Cuisine salad addition for lunch yesterday and it was really good!  You can put in as much lettuce as you want so I ate a HUGE salad for lunch.  Nice and crunchy and tasty!  I'm going to try a different one for lunch today!  Tonight I'm going to have the mushroom pizza!  How is this a diet??  If only I could have ridden the bike, I'd feel pretty good!  (Well, sans the headache I'd feel good).

I like this plan.  I even planned in lunch at Longhorn this week with friends.  I'll just order one of the under 500 calorie meals!  Date night is Friday night and I'm not counting calories for that.  I figure if I keep up what I'm doing all week, I can handle the one night of splurge.

So, the report from yesterday was good.  We'll see if I can keep it up.

A New Plan

So, I'm spinning my wheels.  Time to come up with a new plan.

I can absolutely not control my eating lately.  Therefore, I'm going to actually DIET.  I've been trying to just eat healthier, with better portion control.  It's not working.  I can't seem to control myself.  So.  I'm taking way my free will and I'm going to control everything.

I am going to use Lean Cuisine this week to try and get myself on track.

I am going to eat Lean Cuines for lunch and dinner.  I'm planning out my daily snacks.  We'll see if it works.  So far the days range from 921 calories to 1042 calories.  I'm doing this for a week and I'll see where I am.  Maybe that one week will be enough to get myself back into the mind set I need to be in.  If not, I'll do it for two weeks.  There are plenty of Lean Cuisine options out there - the newest ones being a salad type kit.  I like that it's all pre-measured so I don't have the opportunity to say "Yeah, that looks like a cup" and really end up eating three ...

I can't trust myself right now, so I'm taking the trust out of it.

Meanwhile, I've hurt my shoulder again so I'm not sure about the weight lifting.  Which is really depressing because I was actually finally feeling something.  I could feel my work outs actually DOING something.  Now I'm back to square one.  I'm still riding the bike and doing calisthenics   But I really, really wanted to do the weight training.  Maybe I'll try with some really low weight and see how my shoulder goes.

So anyway, that's my plan.

I'll keep you posted!

A Good Sore.

I am so sore today.  I lifted weights on Monday and by last night every muscle in my body hurt.  But it's that good sore.  That soreness that lets me know I actually did something, am doing something.  Finally I feel like I'm making progress!

I really think strength training is a huge part of weight loss.  Because, I've kept up my bike riding and my attempt to eat right but had stopped the weight lifting and I could really see a huge difference - I gained back inches, had the return of flab ... not pretty.  So I am making it my goal to keep up my weight lifting.  And it feels good - in that sore sort of way!

I have really attempted to keep my focus on my health this week.  That's another thing that kind of fell by the wayside.  Too many distractions popped up and I wasn't able to focus on myself and my health.  I lost that drive.  It is important to think about our goals and journey every single day.  The more we focus the more we are able to stay on task and the more chance there is of obtaining our goals.

I am looking forward to the weight lifting again this afternoon.  I changed my format from higher weight with low reps to lower weight with high reps.  I had hurt my shoulder and I have found the higher weight is counterproductive right now.  So I'm going to go low weight with higher repetition intensity.  I think it's a good plan.  Once my muscles start to build again, I should be able to go back up in weight without hurting myself.  I sure don't like this getting old thing where my body is falling apart.  I have to take it easier than I used to.  I have to take it slow.  I'm not a slow kind of person.  I've always jumped in feet first, but now I find when I do that, I tend to hurt myself.

Well, I'm working on all that.  One step at a time.

250 miles

I have walked 250 miles since I have gotten my fitbit!  I actually have walked a little more - there were days when I forgot to put it on, but it should be close to that!

I like that my gadgets give me feedback.  That "badge" that I got on the fitbit website has made me feel motivated again!  Just when I was feeling like I wasn't accomplishing anything, I got that little tidbit of good news and it made me feel excited again!

I'm trying something different this week.  I have already done my bike riding and my general calisthenics (leg lifts, butt crunches, reverse crunches, regular crunches and hula hoop hips) but at the top of each hour I'm doing something else.  Not much - but something.  Something to get me up and moving.  At 9:00 I did 50 butt crunches in my chair.  At 10:00 I did 20 jumping jacks.  At 11:00 I jumped on the trampoline for 1 minute and 30 seconds.  We'll see if I can keep it up, and if I do, whether it helps or not!

I also made my grocery list today with menu all planned out.  I planned in a night where the kids get to eat something they love that I shouldn't eat (spaghetti - I make mine with meat and lots of noodles - not the best dinner choice for me) and I planned in a lean cuisine for me that night.  I will make veggies for the kids to go with their dinner and I can add in some of those so I won't feel too deprived.  I have even planned out my snacks - AND I've written it all down so that I can see it on the fridge whenever I'm in there hunting food.  It's all planned out for me.  All I have to do is stay on track.

I'm also back to logging my food in again.  At the beginning, I did that every day.  Then as I got to know what calories were in what foods, I didn't need to track as much and I stopped logging.  So then, when I started eating more things, it wasn't logged and I didn't have that visual accountability.  Clearly, I need accountability!  So, back to the logging.

I'm done with the cleanse and I feel good.  And it's going to be gorgeous outside this week, which gives me that little jolt of spring fever which is so good at getting me moving and motivated.

Back to work!  Today is a new day and I feel good about it!

Negativity.

So, how are we supposed to stop being mean to ourselves when we can't seem to eat properly for even one day??  We aren't supposed to be negative or have negative self-talks, but geesh!  It's hard not to when I can't even manage to stay on track for one day!

I think I did well one day this week and I actually lost 1.8 lbs that night.  Other than that, I've just been eating and eating!  What is my problem???  I guess if I could figure that out, I wouldn't have a problem!

Maybe I need some negativity.  I  certainly seem to deserve it at the moment.  I made cake for Easter and have eaten a piece every night but one since then.  It had M&Ms on top of it and kit kat bars around the edges.  Good cake, but really?  Do I have no self control??  Luckily it's almost gone, so that will be one less temptation in the house.  At least until the kids make brownies or something ...

And I never did plan a menu this week.  That's part of the problem.  If I plan the menu every Monday, then I do much better.  Since I didn't, we ate out several times - KFC last night.  And I had TWO pieces of chicken.  I don't even know why!

What is it going to take to get me back on track??

I know the cleanse is part of the issue.  I'm sooooo tired.  Once I'm done, I'll feel better.  Rejuvenated.  Maybe that will help.

Here is my plan:  do better on the menu front, try not to eat the extra goodies that find their way into our house, try to control my portions, keep up the exercise.

Is it enough?  I'm not sure, but it's a start.

And I suppose I can give myself a teensy break.  It has been rough since my surgery and I'm still not back to normal.  In fact, I'm wondering if something might be wrong, but we'll have to wait and see on that.  I'm just not feeling well, and it's hard to be focused and excited about losing weight when you don't feel well.  But then again, that's an excuse, isn't it?  I'm good at coming up with those.

Maybe I'm going through a stage where I need to get my mental self back in order before I can get my body self there.  Food has always been comfort, so it's very, very hard to deny comfort food when I'm feeling poorly.

All I can do is try.  Today is a new day.  I'll give it my all ...

Cleanse.

So this is the week I'm doing my Advocare Cleanse.  I had forgotten how awful I feel when I'm doing it, but I know that I will feel fantastic by the end of it.  It's an herbal cleanse that cleans out your system (by making you poop to excess!) and then re-energizes it by putting back in all the good probiotics that your colon needs.  It really is a great process, but during the first part of it I just drag and feel so tired.  I'm on day 3 now and it's a 10 day process, so I have a week to go ...

Meanwhile I've been riding the bike like I planned.  I did not do the bowflex yesterday - I just did not feel well.  I am going to try and do that today.  I really need to get back started on the weight training - it is good in so many ways.

Spring is a great time to cleanse.  I like to do the total purge on everything in my life during that spring time fever that hits.  It's a time for house cleaning, organizing at work, yard cleaning, and just getting our lives back in order after the cold shadows of winter have cluttered everything up.  Cleansing my body is just one more way to get myself back and ready to face spring and summer.

Although today is 45 degrees outside and nasty rain ... what's up with that??  And it's supposed to be in the 70s later this week.  It will be a wonder if I don't get sick!

At any rate, I'm feeling a bit down and I know the cleanse has something to do with that.  It just makes me so tired.  I just have to keep remembering that come next week, I'll feel better than I have in a long time!  Once that happens, I hope I have the energy to cleanse the rest of my world!  I'm ready to get the house totally aired out, get my office rearranged, get everything ready for the family that will be coming in early May for our oldest's graduation from UGA ... I have so much to do this spring that I will need all the help I can get!

I'm using this time to get myself mentally back in the game.  I've ended up putting back on 8-10 lbs lately.  I've GOT to get refocused.

I can do this!